A website that surely we all can enjoy, and relate to: http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Some of my own personal favorites:

(847): Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he’s a law student? (For Borella)

(310): i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i’m sub-human. i love vicodin. (For LockeStock & Pants)

(703): drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things. (for me and Black Beard)

(248): In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary. (Definitley for Chaser)

(305): I just saw a hot homeless man (Umm, amazing)